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Hemlock Available in the Faculty Lounge
By THOMAS CUSHMAN
Teaching evaluations have become a permanent fixture in the academic
environment. These instruments, through which students express their
true feelings about classes and professors, can make or break an
instructor. What would students say if they had Socrates as a professor?
This class on philosophy was really good, Professor Socrates is sooooo
smart, I want to be just like him when I graduate (except not so short).
I was amazed at how he could take just about any argument and prove it
wrong.
I would advise him, though, that he doesn't know everything, and one
time he even said in class that the wise man is someone who knows that
he knows little (Prof. Socrates, how about that sexist language!?). I
don't think he even realizes at times that he contradicts himself. But I
see that he is just eager to share his vast knowledge with us, so I
really think it is more a sin of enthusiasm than anything else.
I liked most of the meetings, except when Thrasymachus came. He was
completely arrogant, and I really resented his male rage and his point
of view. I guess I kind of liked him, though, because he stood up to
Prof. Socrates, but I think he is against peace and justice and has no
place in the modern university.
Also, the course could use more women (hint: Prof. Socrates, maybe next
time you could have your wife Xanthippe come in and we can ask questions
about your home life! Does she resent the fact that you spend so much
time with your students?). All in all, though, I highly recommend both
the course and the instructor.
Socrates is a real drag, I don't know how in hell he ever got tenure. He
makes students feel bad by criticizing them all the time. He pretends
like he's teaching them, but he's really ramming his ideas down
student's throtes. He's always taking over the conversation and hardly
lets anyone get a word in.
He's sooo arrogant. One time in class this guy comes in with some real
good perspectives and Socrates just kept shooting him down. Anything the
guy said Socrates just thought he was better than him.
He always keeps talking about these figures in a cave, like they really
have anything to do with the real world. Give me a break! I spend
serious money for my education and I need something I can use in the
real world, not some b.s. about shadows and imaginary trolls who live in
caves.
He also talks a lot about things we haven't read for class and expects
us to read all the readings on the syllabus even if we don't discuss
them in class and that really bugs me. Students' only have so much time
and I didn't pay him to torture me with all that extra crap.
If you want to get anxious and depressed, take his course. Otherwise,
steer clear of him! (Oh yeah, his grading is really subjective, he
doesn't give any formal exams or papers so its hard to know where you
stand in the class and when you try to talk to him about grades he just
gets all agitated and changes the topic.)
For someone who is always challenging conventional wisdom (if I heard
that term one more time I was going to die), Professor Socrates' ideal
republic is pretty darn static. I mean there is absolutely no room to
move there in terms of intellectual development and social change.
Also, I was taking this course on queer theory and one of the central
concepts was "phallocentricism" and I was actually glad to have taken
Socrates because he is a living, breathing phallocentrist!
Also, I believe this Republic that Prof. Socrates wants to design — as
if anyone really wants to let this dreadful little man design an entire
city — is nothing but a plan for a hegemonic, masculinist empire that
will dominate all of Greece and enforce its own values and beliefs on
the diverse communities of our multicultural society.
I was warned about this man by my adviser in women's studies. I don't
see that anything other than white male patriarchy can explain his
omnipresence in the agora and it certainly is evident that he
contributes nothing to a multicultural learning environment. In fact,
his whole search for the Truth is evidence of his denial of the virtual
infinitude of epistemic realities (that term wasn't from queer theory,
but from French lit, but it was amazing to see how applicable it was to
queer theory).
One thing in his defense is that he was much more positive toward gay
and lesbian people. Actually, there was this one guy in class, Phaedroh
or something like that, who Socrates was always looking at and one day
they both didn't come to class and they disappeared for the whole day.
I'm quite sure that something is going on there and that the professor
is abusing his power over this student.
I learned a lot in this class, a lot of things I never knew before. From
what I heard from other students, Professor Socrates is kind of weird,
and at first I agreed with them, but then I figured out what he was up
to. He showed us that the answers to some really important questions
already are in our minds.
I really like how he says that he is not so much a teacher, but a
facilitator. That works for me because I really dislike the way most
professors just read their lectures and have us write them all down and
just regurgitate them back on tests and papers. We need more professors
like Professor Socrates who are willing to challenge students by
presenting materials in new and exciting ways.
I actually came out of this class with more questions than answers,
which bothered me and made me uncomfortable in the beginning, but
Professor Socrates made me realize that that's what learning is all
about. I think it is the only class I ever took which made me feel like
a different person afterward. I would highly recommend this class to
students who want to try a different way of learning.
I don't know why all the people are so pissed at Professor Socrates!
They say he's corrupting us, but it's really them that are corrupt. I
know some people resent his aggressive style, but that's part of the
dialectic. Kudos to you, Professor Socrates, you've really changed my
way of thinking! Socs rocks!!
My first thought about this class was: this guy is really ugly. Then I
thought, well, he's just a little hard on the eyes. Finally, I came to
see that he was kind of cute. Before I used to judge everyone based on
first impressions, but I learned that their outward appearances can be
seen in different ways through different lenses.
I learned a lot in this class, especially about justice. I always
thought that justice was just punishing people for doing things against
the law and stuff. I was really blown away by the idea that justice
means doing people no harm (and thanks to Prof. Socrates, I now know
that the people you think are your enemies might be your friends and
vice versa, I applied that to the people in my dorm and he was
absolutely right).
An excellent class over all. One thing I could suggest is that he take a
little more care about his personal appearance, because as we all know,
first impressions are lasting impressions.
Socrates is bias and prejudice and a racist and a sexist and a
homophobe. He stole his ideas from the African people and won't even
talk to them now. Someone said that maybe he was part African, but there
is noooooo way.
Thomas Cushman is a professor of sociology at Wellesley College.
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